Should I be listening to that Vitamin C song on repeat?

Today is the day that my first class of seniors graduate. Man, I feel old. Old, but blessed. God has been SO gracious this year. He is good all the time, but he really has wowed me in the past 12 months.

From a wonderful semester student teaching, to a challenging semester of graduate school, to getting the job that I wanted when I decided that grad school wasn’t for me, I always end up looking up at him and saying, “Why me, God? Why are You so good to me?” The older I get, the more I realize that the best things in life are completely undeserved. The primary example of this concept lies in salvation–God giving his VERY OWN, PRECIOUS SON so that I (rebellious, faint-hearted, and changeable) wouldn’t have to pay. Why? Just because He loves.

The heartache of this past school year can only be topped by my junior year of high school. My heart has been ripped apart, but, as Andrew Peterson sings,

What’s that on the ground? It’s what’s left of my heart; somebody named Jesus broke it to pieces and planted the shards, and they’re coming up green, and they’re coming in bloom. I can hardly believe this is all coming true… just as I am, just as I was, just as I will be, He loves me–He does.

I could never begin to deserve what my Father has given me. This year has been amazing; and I am so thankful to have been a part of the final year of high school for my precious seniors. I am proud of each and every one of them, and I am PSYCHED to see them graduate, which reminds me… I need to go get dressed!

GO FALCONS!

Good morning, Memorial Day

It has been over a year since I have utilized the medium of my ever-faithful blog. So much has happened that it would be futile and a waste of time to attempt to recount it all here. I will simply say that I am still reading good books, still teaching, and still, surprisingly enough, a work in progress. I am using this current post to delay much-needed grading. I know that it’s inevitable, that stack of papers and projects, but I just have not awakened to the reality of it yet.  That said, I am sitting here, looking brain-dead, but there are currently a plethora of ideas bouncing around my tiny brain. Here’s a brief, not-so-complete list:

1. Should I do literature circles next year, or are they the idealist’s waste of time? I’m currently reading Harvey Daniels’ book on the subject, and the idea of student-centered, small-group learning is a fascinating one. The true question: will it work?

2. Is a graduate degree or graduate certificate in non-profit management actually worthwhile? Or is it something that bookstore nerds and baristas do in their spare time? I am interested in the job possibilities that these programs ostensibly open up, but is it just a pipe dream? My “stick-it-to-the-man” sensibilities automatically draw me to non-profit work, but my real-life resume isn’t brimming with rallies and marches and feeding orphans in Somalia. I worked at Bible camp in East Tennessee long enough to realize the gravity of the epidemic of inequality in our system of education. I lived in rural North Carolina long enough to realize my responsibility to care for those less fortunate than myself. I have hung out with and taught enough teenagers to realize that they need love, good advice, and someone to listen. Still, as I have realized these things, I have been met with the ever-haunting question: “So how are YOU going to change it ALL BY YOURSELF?” The truth is, I don’t know, but I am still convicted about my responsibility to consider each of these issues, and the conviction recurs pretty much daily.

3. Should I teach grammar as a mathematical format (which is what I prefer)? Or should my teaching of mechanics focus on the whole “let’s teach grammar in context,” which tends to be way less systematic and way more confusing for me?  I have found decent books for both approaches, though no book does both. Ideally, I want a grammar book with sentence-by-sentence exercises, simple concept explanations, and whole short stories that must be corrected/rewritten for the “whole-language-learning” emphasis. Can’t find it. The two best contenders I have are:

Mechanically Inclined by Jeff Anderson (Which focuses on whole-language learning and building the student as a writer.)

AND

Barron’s Grammar in Plain English by Harriet Diamond and Phyllis Dutwin (A more traditional, mathematical approach to teaching grammar.)

…so I suppose I’ll spend the rest of the summer trying to figure out which curriculum to use. Le sigh.

is it possible to be stressed/happy/and restless all at the same time?

That is how I feel. I am beginning to connect with my students, but I am not sure that teaching high school is what I was made for. I love my colleagues, but I don’t know if I could talk about things like standards, test scores, and discipline problems day in and day out for the rest of my life. I really want to know about my students’ personal lives, but I am afraid that, if I learned too much, the classroom would simply turn into an episode of Dr. Phil.

Yet… I am happy. God has put amazing friends in my life; they are there for me. People love me, for who I am. They are willing to overlook the flaws because they know I am a work in progress. I am sitting at the Green Bean. Happy day. I am drinking a delicious latte and thinking about my future while I spit out lesson plans like I’m an educational rapper. I laugh with my family every. single. night. I miss my friends in Boone, but I know that we WILL see each other again. I don’t know when I will find out about graduate school, but I am at peace about it.

God is good. All the time.

I am ready to give reason for the hope that I have: ABBA. I may not talk to Him enough, but He’s still there; He forgives me for it. Taste and see, friends.

this is how I picture Valentine’s Day

I love Valentine’s Day. I do. I love all of the cheesy decorations, and, even though I have never had a Valentine, I really like the sentiment behind it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valentine%27s_day

..And I really like the way some people chose to celebrate it:

…and I want that someday, too.

just when I needed it.

“There are not three levels of spiritual life— worship, waiting, and work. Yet some of us seem to jump like spiritual frogs from worship to waiting, and from waiting to work. God’s idea is that the three should go together as one. They were always together in the life of our Lord and in perfect harmony.”

-Oswald Chambers

I needed this right now. These are the exact three stages that I’ve been trying to jump between, forgetting that they are to co-exist. He is so good. He is still working even when I don’t “feel” it.

Neverland is sounding pretty sweet right now.

In the past couple of days, I have been struck with the reality that I am pretty much a grown-up! It is a reality that brings with it heavy feelings, not the liberation I’ve been expecting for the past ten or so years of my life. In the next month or so, I:

-start student teaching

-have jury duty for the first time

-have to go to court for my first speeding ticket (*whoops*)

-will start planning my little sister’s wedding

-have to buy more “grown-up” clothes for teaching/grad school.

I. Am. A. Grown-up. Watch out, world.

just when you think you’ve got it under control

“To love at all is to become vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safely in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket-safe, dark, motionless, airless space, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.”

-C.S. Lewis from The Four Loves

I might just have a white Christmas…

…which excites me!

There are also a lot of other exciting things going on in my life.

GRADUATE SCHOOL:

-I got an email from Duke yesterday… turns out they have all of my materials! YAY!

-I talked to Emory yesterday, and they have all of my transcripts!

-I got an email from Dr. Atkinson, and he mailed AND emailed is recommendation for me to Wake Forest!

-It feels like things are finally starting to happen. I am praying about where I am supposed to go, but I’m feeling confident and at peace.

TEACHING:

-This past week, I registered myself for an online profile with mission teach, just to see if anything turned up in terms of teaching jobs.

-There are A LOT of teaching jobs, especially for English teachers! We shall see what happens. I am still praying as to whether or not I am supposed to go to grad school or teach overseas. I’m really torn right now, and the whole grad school situation is pretty much a waiting process, at this point.

Not to be materialistic, but…

I really need to do some shopping for my grown-up pursuits.

These Dansko clogs are my dream teaching shoe… they are made to look like Petrol when it dries on pavement, but they are still kind of a neutral “black.” I love them. My mom is not really convinced of their practicality, but I think they are awesome.

On top of keeping me dry in rain, a trench will make me look super-chic and grown-up!

These running shoes are on sale… and they are girly My old shoes are nowhere to be found… not really sure where they went.

I need some running tights. Badly. These PUMA ones are cute and durable.

These shorts are on sale for less than five dollars. I like.

…So I am basically getting money for Christmas with which I will be able to buy some essentials for teaching and life. Praise the Lord! Hopefully I’ll hear back from some graduate schools soon!

things you overhear…

“Hot chocolate speaks so much of coziness in the winter.”

-Kid that Taylor and I overheard at the coffee shop. He was ten.

…on love

“So long as we love, we serve; so long as we are loved by others, I should say that we are almost indispensable; and no man is useless while he has a friend.”

~Robert Louis Stevenson